Baldness caused by gravity?

Baldness may be caused by the weight of the scalp: gravity as a proposed mechanism for hair loss.

Ustuner ET.

Available theories on the etiology and pathogenesis of male pattern baldness have not been satisfactory. Nonetheless, the most widely adopted theory today is the androgenetic theory. The current article introduces a new theory. According to the new theory the pressure created by the weight of the scalp is the cause of the baldness. The weight of the whole scalp over the loose areolar tissue is the operative weight. Hair follicles are pressed between the scalp skin and the cranial bones. The soft tissues around the hair follicles work as a buffer against the pressure. When the buffer decreases and becomes inadequate with age the effective pressure on the hair follicles increases. Unlike the existing theories, the new theory is able to explain every feature of male and female pattern baldness and agrees completely with all scientifically established facts and produced data. The new theory promises a radical change in how baldness is conceived and treated. Notice by the author: The materials and methods that utilize the new theory described in this article for prevention and treatment of hair loss are in patent pending status.

Med Hypotheses. 2008 Oct;71(4):505-14. Epub 2008 Jul 29.

Why is this cool?

 I'm feeling really bald today. I count the hairs that fall out and I eyeball if those were the hairs that tipped me from thinning to completely bald. How did I lose everything? My baldness seems to reflect my own inner turmoil at not finishing my degree and not being a bit more stylish. Well, in regards to my baldness, today's paper suggests that it is caused by gravity.

Slowly causing hair loss?

 Hum. How do I go about expressing my extreme skepticism of this hypothesis? I could glibly brush it off as quackery, because it doesn't make sense for all baldness. The hypothesis as it appears in the abstract suggests that the buffer zone between the scalp and the cranial bones becomes thinner with time, but what about someone like myself who is bald at the ripe age of 28? 

 I know people who have gone bald at a younger age, so shouldn't the hypothesis include a bit on genetics? It seems far from coincidental that baldness runs through families. Everyone is affected by gravity and, yet, not everyone is bald. It is entirely possible that gravity plays a part in old age baldness, but how do we separate that just being old and the body slowly losing different features? I should put up an article about genetic or biochemical evidence about the nature of baldness.

 Have you wondered why the President of the U.S. of A. is not bald? The last one was Uncle Ike. This was back when TV was a new thing and maybe youth was coming into vogue. I don't know, but, as a bald man, I think it is discrimination of such a blatant kind to not elect bald men! EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES FOR BALD MEN!!